Regent University School of Udnergraduate Studies

Saturday, May 2, 2009

my thoughts

pretty vulnerable here. not meaning to be profound...just wanted to share some recent thoughts. it's been rough.


Cassie-andra said...

Aw girl, I just want to hug you and pray over you and love on you.

Its hard, I know. And life can be pretty sucky, especially when relationships are involved. To give you a maybe a bit of encouragement, I know exactly how you feel. My heart has been hurting A LOT recently as well. Those shattered dreams are painful.

But amidst it all, I have found INCREDIBLE peace and healing. It's absolutely left me dumbfounded. When people who saw me just a few weeks ago a sobbing mess see me now and ask how I'm doing, they don't believe me when I tell them that I am actually doing fantastic.

And what has gotten me through it all?

Well, Jesus of course.

I've learned a really hard lesson these past few weeks. I have witnessed God's heart. I have felt at least a part of what he feels like when he loves someone so much, and they just don't return the love wholeheartedly. It hurts, and it sucks, let me tell you. And I never want to make Jesus feel the way I've felt (and this was on a mere human level! How much more do I break his heart!). And I know I have. I know I've chased other lovers besides him.

So now I am putting them all aside, and running to my true husband. The one who will never leave me. The one who speaks tenderly to me. And loves me no matter what. The one steadfast man who I am hopelessly in love with.

And I have to keep reminding myself that marriage isn't the end all be all. Although I do desire to be married one day, I know that right now, and forevermore, I just need to worry about how I'm loving Jesus. I so often fall into the lie that once I get married, everything will be perfect and will fall into place, and we will live happily ever after. Hey, that might happen, but I can't give my heart to that desire while Jesus is jealously wanting it for himself.

You can read some of my blog posts. It might help to dry your tears....or bring more on! =)

Will be praying for you and your heart, girl.

דָּוִד said...

Maybe somewhere somehow some one right now is finding the courage to let someone go .. and that someone will find you.
Keeping you in prayer.

Tim said...

Wow that was raw. Are you sure you still want this up for the world to see? I recommend not. I hope you have found that special someone. Marriage to the wrong person is worse than waiting.

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