Well I am forever and continually amazed and awestruck of the workings of God. He never ceases to love and yet confuse the heck out of me. I find myself asking the question, is this what relying on God is supposed to look like? People have always told me that when they have been in school, they have found times where they are so far behind, that it is truly a miracle if they catch up and it is at that point where they know that they couldn't have done it without God. That makes me seriously think...because obviously people that are getting 4.0's and working hard...you don't see them falling behind and then catching up only to know that they were only capable of doing that because of God. I think..I know God works in our lives differently depending on who we are. It seems that how He deals with me is the thing that I will NEVER be able to figure out! *sigh*
I guess the story of my life is not knowing. And it's funny because I know that, and yet I still struggle. Now, I'm not saying that I shouldn't be struggling, but I just get so tired sometimes and wonder if it will ever end. It would be REALLY nice to just stop being in this place where I am continually weak and tired. I mean, seriously...can't God work in my life any OTHER way besides through THIS kind of weakness specifically?! I know He can and He can also do whatever He wants...but I am just so tired in every way imaginable. And of course that's when people say, "Well that's when God is allowed to use you-when you are weak." Well ya know what...I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! I know that this isn't God's will for me...whoever says that, is messed up. I have a Father who loves me and who is always working in me and has my best interest in mind.
I just want to know if it will ever end. I need rest.
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Within 7 days, even on the third day from now, you will see the hand of God. Your name means Crown and you are His Crown. His Royal Diadem.
Isaiah 62
For Zion's sake will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem's sake I will not rest, until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth. 2 And the Gentiles shall see thy righteousness, and all kings thy glory: and thou shalt be called by a new name, which the mouth of the LORD shall name. 3 Thou shalt also be a crown of glory in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of thy God. 4 Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married.
4.0 students fall behind and catch up, too!
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